Colonoscopy Recovery: It's not great and I'm tired

I had a followup appointment at the Mayo Clinic May 28th, and I came away with some good news. The ultrasound and her physical exam didn't find any damage from my hysterectomy in 2022. Because of the funny feeling I have in my belly, specifically under my belly button, I thought for sure something had gone wrong. but all my organs are where they are supposed to be. I could have some nerve damage at the incision site, but I need to message her and ask her for more information. I kind of spaced out when she explained because I was so relieved her exam and ultrasound didn't find anything serious. Still, I'd like to be sure that what I'm feeling maybe isn't exactly harmless, but at least there's an explanation. She was concerned about the bloating and puffiness so she recommended I have a colonoscopy to rule out any GI issues.

My feelings about having a colonoscopy done were complicated because I was afraid of what they would find. I suppose most preventative tests elicit that kind of a response--I was always nervous before I went in for the couple of mammograms I've had in my life. But what made me scared was that someone, maybe not close to me, but someone I knew, went in for one and they found cancer. They were able to remove it during the procedure and that was kind of the end of it (she had one followup and that was all), but when I found out, I was in a really bad place mentally with my anxiety, and my brain latched on to it. Somehow I convinced myself I too, had colon cancer. It didn't help that my potty habits are far from regular. Anxiety and stress make me go a lot, and it's common for me to go two or three times in the morning. Coffee doesn't help, and when my nurse practitioner put me on that ovary pill, I had to switch to half-caff because one of the pill's side effects was loose stools. On top of already having them due to my anxiety, that just ramped up my belief that they would find something. I knew, under the layer of panic, I didn't have colon cancer, or tried to convince myself of it, at least. It doesn't run in my family, I'm not in a risk group, and I never saw blood in my stools. So when my nurse practitioner at Mayo wanted me to have it done, it was a blessing and a curse. I wanted to have it done to prove to myself that I didn't have colon cancer, but on the flip side, I was afraid I did. I know that doesn't make much sense, but thinking when you have anxiety rarely does. 

Luckily, I was able to get in last Tuesday the 4th. I was a bit dismayed she had such an early opening, but it was a relief, too because I didn't have that hanging over my head. I took the appointment and on Friday, I went to Walmart and picked up the prep. Strangely enough, preparing for the appointment didn't induce any anxiety. In fact, a lot of my anxiety faded after my visit on the 28th because I had fears that I was messed up inside and it would require surgery. The good news made me feel better and I went into my colonoscopy like I do for anything medical: a stoic outlook and a I-have-to-have-it-done-so-just-get-it-over-with mentality.

The prep wasn't that bad. Everyone says it's the worse part, but I drank the prep slowly so it wouldn't make me sick. I didn't get any sleep that night--I was up all night, but you're supposed to be, so don't worry if you don't get any rest, either. I drank the other half of the prep the next morning and I was on the toilet until my sister picked me up to go to the hospital. One of the things they don't tell you is that your bowels are clearing out up to the second the procedure starts--meaning, you have the potential to be pooping in the car on the way to your appointment. By then you're poop-free and what's coming out is clear, maybe tinted yellow like pee, but even so, no one wants to be releasing liquid inside of their vehicle. Luckily, the ride to the hospital from my apartment is only fifteen minutes and I was okay. I had to go twice while I was waiting for my turn but the nurses are used to that and get you to the bathroom quickly. 

The procedure itself is uncomfortable, and I remember feeling the first two to three minutes of it. I remember a nurse holding my hand and rubbing my back, but after that it was all a daze and I woke up in the recovery room sick to my stomach. I threw up a couple of times in recovery, and when I got home I threw up again. I've been put under for carpal tunnel surgery and for my hysterectomy, so I knew being sick to my stomach would be a given. I was able to take a nap after that and took a shower. I didn't feel too bad and had a few bites of steak and a potato for dinner. I tried to drink as much water as I could without feeling sick, and I slept for eleven and a half hours that night. 

I woke up Wednesday morning feeling... not terrible, but not right, and that feeling has stayed with me. This morning I woke up feeling off, and I've been to the bathroom a lot. That's the other thing they don't tell you--maybe it differs from person to person and they don't think it matters, but it can take a few days to feel normal again. All I can do is eat so I don't feel nauseated from hunger and rest. I have a tendency to be doing chores and errands when I should be resting and that slows recovery down. Luckily I work from home at a desk job so that's not so taxing, but I've been up going to the bathroom a lot and my stomach is twisting. 

A colonoscopy may be a simple procedure overall, but it's still a lot for your body to handle, and you need to be prepared that you might not feel right for a few days. I wish the doctor or the nurses would have been more clear because since I'm not feeling good now, I wanted to make sure that was normal and I Googled it. I read all the take home information they gave me, and nothing alluded to the fact that I would be nauseous and going to the bathroom while I adjusted after the procedure. 

I've been through a lot lately, not just with anxiety. The trips to Mayo are also hard because the drive is six hours long and we have to stay in a hotel. We're getting better at finding where we need to go on their medical campus, but it's still stressful and the costs add up. I really hope after my August appointment I can have a break and not need to go back for a while. I feel like I have all the answers I'm going to get for the time being. 

Oh, I didn't tell you the results of my colonoscopy. They removed a polyp that was noncancerous, but they said it was PRE-cancerous and want me to have another colonoscopy in five years. I'm not worried about that, it seems just being alive is a prerequisite for cancer, and if anything, breast cancer runs in my mother's family and that will take me out before colon cancer ever will.  The results said I had some mild hemorrhoids, and I wonder if those are contributing to the pinched and swollen feeling I have around my anus. I thought that was only due to the lichen, but at my appointment maybe she can tell me how make them go away and I'll feel better down there. 

As far as anxiety goes, I haven't felt "real" anxiety since we were driving to Rochester. My sister didn't feel like driving, so I said I would but fifteen minutes into the drive I had a panic attack. I was able to breathe through it and talking to her helped. Like it always does, my anxiety leveled off, and I was feeling better around noon. But at that appointment, my nurse practitioner waylaid a lot of my fears and I haven't had an anxiety episode since. Whenever I'm not feeling well and I have to work, I get nervous, and today I had some anxious feelings, but it was far away from the anxiety I used to feel.  I'm grateful and I hope to only get better from here. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing on this blog--I have a lot to dump and I can only hope I'm helping people. 

So for now, the game plan is to recover from this colonoscopy. I'm tired, a bit nauseated, and going to the bathroom a lot, though that has abated as the day goes on. I took half the day off to rest, and I'm going to take nap after my shift before I make dinner. At my last appointment, my nurse practitioner prescribed me a different ovary pill, but since I don't know what those side effects are, if any, I'm going to wait until I recover from my colonoscopy to start them. I hope they take care of some of the bloating I still have and then at my next appointment, tell her how I'm tolerating them and ask about my hemorrhoids. I'll also be getting a pelvic MRI, but I don't think it's going to find anything the ultrasound didn't. Once that appointment is over, I am really hoping that that's it for a bit. I can't keep going to Rochester every three months. The meals, gas, and hotel add up and I'll need to pay off what I've charged before I go more, if I have to. There's only so much she's going to be able to do for me, and I hope my appointments are every six months, or even a year between. Lichen sclerosis can turn into cancer, so I'm sure she's going to want to monitor me, though she said the cream is working well and that my skin looked a lot better from the first time she saw me. 

I'm still going to take one day at a time especially since I'm still recovering from the colonoscopy. It will take a lot to move past the last four years, but if you believe time heals all wounds, maybe that's all I need. If you too, are going through something, give yourself time and grace and make sure you rest.

That's all I have for this post, but I hope to shake off this procedure soon. It was good to have it done, but I want to put it behind me now.