Finding Balance in a Haystack

It's been a while since I posted here, mostly because I wasn't sure if there was anything to write about after my last appointment. 

Things haven't changed too much, health-wise, but I did decide to stop taking my ovary pills. I'm doing it without my doctor's knowledge, so hopefully she's too busy to peruse the internet to see what her patients are doing. I will still continue to refill my prescription in case I ever need to go back on them again, but after looking over the list of side effects, I felt like what they were helping me with weren't as bad as what I have to deal with taking them. I hate the constant heart burn and the frequent trips to the bathroom. I reread my last blog post, and I was concerned about that back then. After reading the list of side effects, I realized that my medication was causing my loose stools and frequent nausea. Anxiety is another side effect, and while not drinking anymore helped significantly, every once in a while my heart will still get wobbly in my chest. I know that's anxiety, even if it's not as bad as when I was drinking or doesn't come as often. I don't like any of those things, and I'm willing to see how I feel off my prescription for a couple of months. 

I still have the nerve damage around my belly button that causes my stomach to feel weird, and I guess the endo and the scarring. My doctor said all my body parts are where they're supposed to be and the MRI confirmed that, so all I can do right now is try to find balance off my medication. My cysts never bothered me and I have no idea how much endo I have that those pills were supposed to control, so we'll see what happens. 

It's not that I don't like taking medication--I'm all for it if it works, but I don't know how much it is working and if it's still worth taking. I'll give myself some time to find out. 

Besides that, things aren't so bad. I had to force myself to go to the eye doctor to replace my glasses, and I've put the dentist off twice now. If I can force myself to go my appointment in January as well, then I'll be done adulting for a long time. The odd sensation in my stomach isn't really that big of a deal--I can feel pretty bloated after a big meal or drinking a large glass of water--and I can ignore that easily enough as it's not painful, just uncomfortable. I don't like having to go to the bathroom all the time, that makes planning appointments and shopping almost impossible, so if going off my pill alleviates having to do that and my nausea too, then that will be a step in the right direction. 

Mental-health wise I'm doing good. I don't feel the need to constantly reach out to people the way I used to, needing the connection to focus on something else, and it's nice not to feel that desperation to message someone all the time. This doesn't mean I'll let friendships drop off, but it's really nice not messaging people every day. I'm sure they feel relieved too because no one has that much time in the day. 

I'm still working on my books a lot, re-editing an old series. I have to remind myself that even if I enjoy the work, it's still work and it's easy to get fatigued. I'll have to keep an eye on that because before I was taking my ovary pills I was always tired and I'd need a nap after a trip to the store.

I'm not sure where I'm going from here, exactly.  I'm going to see how I feel off my ovary pills, see if that makes a difference with my bathroom habits and my nausea. Would love for my heartburn to go away too, and the small amount of anxiety I still have. Some of what I'm experiencing I may just have to put with up because I'm going through perimenopause and that can do things to your body too. I'm never going to feel normal again, and even without the dryer sheets, because of hormones, I could be in a similar predicament. 

My main goal is to stop having to go to the bathroom all the time, but endometriosis and lichen sclerosis can also cause constipation so I don't want to go from one extreme to another. I'll eat healthy, keep up my fiber intake and see if I can't find a balance there. I've only been off my pills for two days so it will be a while until I know what's working and what's not. 

I realized a little bit ago I'm trying to get back to how I felt four years ago and that's not going to happen, and there's no guarentee I would have felt good right now even if I hadn't bought those dryer sheets. Still, I'm in a better place than I was this time last year. 2024 really did bring about a lot of changes, good ones, and I appreciate where I am now both mentally and physically. 

I guess that's all for now. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season if you celebrate. This is the first set of holidays (Thanksgiving, my birthday, Christmas and New Years) where I have felt good enough to enjoy myself.The uncertainty of what was wrong with me is gone and I'm dealing with the rest the best I can. Take care of yourselves!